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funerals and other gossip

February 25th, 2020 at 06:16 am

Got my hair all cut off today it just takes to long and I don't have te eneergy anymore to do much (chronic fatigue) and we find out hubby treatment plan soon so that will be taking up time each day..so just easier.

While out that way..its about 40 mins from the house we went to the butchers and I filled up our freezer so we have plenty as we are not sure how hubby will go with treatments and his copd...but we are covered in that area...so I less thing to worry about.

Was talking about funerals the other day..we do on a regular basis...and I had friends say that we were weird that we don't want funerals..me, my hubby and oldest DD just aren't interested...I think they are a waste of money and I want my ashes planted under a fruit tree that anyone can eat from...they said what if people want to say goodbye to you...well if people want to see me they can do it while I am alive, funerals are expensive and a waste of money...we all think this..and i don't want headstones I think if you have them then family feel obligated to visit you or they never visit you and feel guilty so why bother..but these are our thoughts and what we want..its also written in our wills...and the kids know what we want...so do you think we are weird? or do people just think it is a society norm that that is what they should do??

11 Responses to “funerals and other gossip”

  1. Carol Says:

    My parents did not believe in big funerals either. My mother especially. They believed in cremation. Their ashes are in the same grave as my grandparents. We had a nice lunch with a few close friends afterwards. I
    I think the small get together ( of whatever kind) is good for the family and close friends. It just helps to mark the transition.

  2. Creditcardfree Says:

    I'm more in your line of thinking. Need to bring this up again with my loved ones. The gathering isn't necessarily for the person who died, but for the grieving friends and family to support each other. Hugs and talking of memories is healing during times of sadness. But buying the casket and headstone are expensive.

  3. Smallsteps Says:

    I went through this after my mom passed. She did not want an event and so I just did as she wanted and told us many times in the past.
    My siblings mostly threw a fit wanting a service NOT for our mother but more of a gathering for them. One even writing nasty things about me refusing on social media. Many of their own friends told them plan and PAY for whatever service they wanted and she shut up.

  4. Butterscotch Says:

    I have been to several funeral and memorial services. I agree with others that they aren’t for the dead, they are for the ones who remain to mourn them. It is healthy for people to come together when someone passes. I don’t want a casket and a million flowers either, but if it will help my children and potential grandchild to have a memorial/gathering/lunch, or whatever they want, then I hope they do it. And I hope they have some fabulous stories to share about me and can laugh and feel connected.

  5. MonkeyMama Says:

    My family feels the same way, we don't do funerals or memorials. I think over time this is more accepted but probably caused a lot of drama when my grandparents didn't want the pomp and circumstance.

  6. rob62521 Says:

    I think it is a personal choice. Personally, I feel a funeral is actually for the living in order to grieve and be supported. But others do not and I would not fault them for thinking the way they are.

    As for expensive, you are spot on as far as that. It's quite the racket, just like big weddings are.

  7. LifeBalance Says:

    We feel similarly. If the family needs the gathering for support or if it supports their religious convictions, then it serves a purpose. When my mom died it was a burden to have to host an event when we were grieving. Dressing up and greeting people, and paying to do it. But of course the decisions about what to do belonged to my dad - not me. After that event I told DH what I'd prefer to do if he passed away: write an obituary and indicate that the family would receive visitors at our home on the afternoon of . Then we could get hugs, display pictures, relive memories, eat food, and yet have the freedom to duck into our bedrooms if we just needed to cry alone.

  8. CB in the City Says:

    The nicest memorials I have attended were simple get-togethers following cremation. Not a big financial burden on the family, but still the opportunity for friends and family to pay their respects and share their memories. I am not a fan of expensive funerals with burial in a casket and vault. Just don't get that. But that's what my mother wanted, so that's what she got. I have let my kids know that cremation and a simple gathering are all I want. And my grandson has agreed to play "Ashoken Farewell" on his violin.

  9. jokeabee Says:

    I also don't want a funeral, but if my friends and family want a gathering to mourn me then they are free to set it up themselves-I won't be able to stop them, I'll already be gone!

  10. mumof2 Says:

    I agree if people want to catch up afterwards then they can set something up...what would i care I'm not there...but i do find a lot of family and "friends" who attend funerals don't really see the person when they were alive so why then...but a small get together if they want one is fine...but still don't want a funeral or memorial...I think people should follow peoples wishes not what they want...it's like if you want to donate your organs and your family says no..I would be super angry as it is my choice and they shouldn't have that choice...I have already made it..but it is a money making rort...and do you know that when you are cremated they reuse the coffin so they can sell it multiple times and make more money...so wrong

  11. GoodLiving Says:

    When my Dad died(accident), we had a very small gathering near the river with some singing and a clarinet piece(what my Dad once played). It was only family as he was a private introvert. A year or more later we buried his ashes near some of his ancestors. Although, I also took some with when I went overseas because I don't think he ever got the chance to travel abroad.

    When my former husband died (suicide) there was a traditional service done in a funeral home with my minister sister officiating. He was indigent and it was provided through the generosity of the funeral home and county assistance. I think it was important for his family including our son. My son knew his father loved him and was aware of his father's struggle with wondering if people loved him but he was able to witness that his Dad was loved by all of the people there that day.

    I don't want a "funeral" but I hope that those that are still living might gather to spend some time together and think of me. As for my body, I'd love to have some kind of green burial but if we haven't figured that out yet, cremate me. I do hope that my spouse and I go at the exact same time, it took us too long to find each other and we both can't imagine being without each other.

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